Posts: 116
Threads: 16
Joined: Jul 2010
Hello my fellow CoTHian's.
I've ... decided to finalise this until further notice. After much ... much much thought. I won't be logging as often anymore. I will log on some time during the day, do my dailies ... level some OOC profession, and log out. I will possibly be online for OOC raids if someone needs a tank or a DPS (Those of you who don't have my MSN can access it via my profile status if you need me to dps/tank).
I'm also available to RP ... But ... I won't RP unless I'm asked ... I'm sorry ... I know it seems very selfish and arrogant ... like I'm too good to ask someone for RP ... but ... honestly ... I'm too scared to ask -anyone- to RP ...
I will possible go ahead with me and Loxxy's Idea of Alaszun's event in Darkshore ... possibly <3
But otherwise ... I'll barely be online ... not like that's a change from lately my dear CoTHian's <3
I wish you all, fond memories and beautiful RP's.
Renae <3
------------------------------------------------
Those of you who wish to know more can read this part of my absence ... but be warned ... I ... I had to drink -alot- of alcohol for me to even have -any- confidence to say this at -all-
If anyone wishes to get into contact with me. I'm usually online -sometime- on Karast doing my dailies, or you can contact me on my MSN (which you can find in my profile details).
If I'm online on MSN, I'm usually available for OOC matters such as Jewelcrafting / Enchanting / Inscription (soon. Working on leveling it) ... and I'm also quite geared to fulfil the OOC roles of DPS or Tank if you ever need one...
"When it rains, do you run from door to door, getting wet all the same, or do you walk with dignity and accept it's raining?"
"On a rainy night, does the sandman send the mud-man?"
.<=='"Characters"''==>.
Karast - The Unlikely Paladin.
Tarlak Nightstride - The Lone Hunter.
Salinia Windrider - Princess.
Alaszun Nightglade - Priestess of the Elune.
.<=="'Threads'"==>.
Renae's cooking thread
"Think about the rain dance for just a moment. Don't you think you'd need rain dance practice? I mean some guys don't know it, some may have forgotten. You know what I wonder? Does it rain during practice? If it doesn't how do you know you got it right? And if it does ... why bother with the dance in the first place. Hey, need a little rain? Call a practice!"
Posts: 3,789
Threads: 255
Joined: Nov 2009
Karast! Noooo! My lucky sword and shield!
I don't really know what much else to say. I actually liked you a whole lot and the reason I never asked you for RP on Karast with Abby was pretty much the same reason you don't ask others for RP. I don't ask people to RP unless I'm really close to them, I don't know why, I just don't.
It still hurts me to see this, but I don't really know how to make it better. Good luck with your guitar playing.
Posts: 1,551
Threads: 184
Joined: Jun 2009
I don't know you too well, but I am sorry to hear that honestly. IRL I have stints of timid/shyness probably not to this degree but I know how socially debilitating it can be. lol I am also aware how alcohol can do the opposite, it is called "Liquid courage" for a reason. My point is, I too love this server and it bothers me that some one feels this way. I don't know what your personally going through, nor will I pry as I really don't know you. But I have MSN as well and am always up for lending a ear, or eyes or however you want to phraze it.
<--- On my side bar are a list of chars that I have, and I have even more on my two accounts, and I will make a new character specifically if you wish to stick around longer. I am always looking for RP and most people besides a select few I due RP with, are in GMI transitioning from one RP session to the next, or waiting for someone who knows there char to log on. I will RP with you anytime you want to, just name the times active and lets go on an adventure or something. Hope you feel better.
Posts: 116
Threads: 16
Joined: Jul 2010
None of this ... is anyone's fault ... but mine.
I used to have so many friends here. But OOC matters have affects me so much ...
I'm so timid and nervous and shy and ... pathetic (to put it bluntly) I cannot even be assertive any more.
I don't wish to be me any more. I want to be who I used to be -years- ago before all my tragedies started happening.
If I'm ever on MSN. I'm usually available for RP, unless I'm online for a few minutes before work or an event. I'm sorry I'm not strong. Only two people will remember me from years back when I was once apart of this server ... and only this two people (one is Kretol ... the other I will not mention) will know who I -once- was before everything started happening ...
I ... can't remain ... when all I do is sit at GMI and watch people I feel ... -very- ... -very- ...-very- ... close to ... walk past me without acknowledging me.
Again ... it's my fault ... since I have -never- done the same first ... and that ... disgusts me
"When it rains, do you run from door to door, getting wet all the same, or do you walk with dignity and accept it's raining?"
"On a rainy night, does the sandman send the mud-man?"
.<=='"Characters"''==>.
Karast - The Unlikely Paladin.
Tarlak Nightstride - The Lone Hunter.
Salinia Windrider - Princess.
Alaszun Nightglade - Priestess of the Elune.
.<=="'Threads'"==>.
Renae's cooking thread
"Think about the rain dance for just a moment. Don't you think you'd need rain dance practice? I mean some guys don't know it, some may have forgotten. You know what I wonder? Does it rain during practice? If it doesn't how do you know you got it right? And if it does ... why bother with the dance in the first place. Hey, need a little rain? Call a practice!"
Posts: 2,106
Threads: 186
Joined: Aug 2010
You are not pathetic. Yes I don't know you, but from what I can tell from right now, I don't see it. I really hope that you don't continue feeling this way, I had once and it didn't end to well.
Besides, everyone is shy and timid at some point, I tend to instantly shut down when people I don't know talk to me, but eventually I talk back. It just takes time.
I really hope what ever it is your going through doesn't end bad and I hope you do become as you once were. I'm always one to help another, so if you want you could talk to me. If not, again I wish you luck and happiness.
Posts: 116
Threads: 16
Joined: Jul 2010
You ... don't understand ...
Even those that I know ... those I'm -very- close too .. and believe me ... I'm -very- close to -many- on this server ... I still cannot say hello or ask for RP from them ... I just ... panic
That's how much I disgust myself. I cannot do something simple like that ... I wait for people to speak to me ... it's like ... a verbal tick that ... let's me know people are willing to speak to someone like me.
I'm sorry. I cannot continue to spend -hours- at GMI doing -nothing- ... I would rather log in knowing I have a purpose. My MSN is in my CoTH profile hun. If people wish to RP with -any- of my toons. I'm ... more then happy to RP with people ... just ... I -need- to be asked ... which is another thing that makes me disgust myself.
Sorry all.
I do love everyone.
"When it rains, do you run from door to door, getting wet all the same, or do you walk with dignity and accept it's raining?"
"On a rainy night, does the sandman send the mud-man?"
.<=='"Characters"''==>.
Karast - The Unlikely Paladin.
Tarlak Nightstride - The Lone Hunter.
Salinia Windrider - Princess.
Alaszun Nightglade - Priestess of the Elune.
.<=="'Threads'"==>.
Renae's cooking thread
"Think about the rain dance for just a moment. Don't you think you'd need rain dance practice? I mean some guys don't know it, some may have forgotten. You know what I wonder? Does it rain during practice? If it doesn't how do you know you got it right? And if it does ... why bother with the dance in the first place. Hey, need a little rain? Call a practice!"
Posts: 3,789
Threads: 255
Joined: Nov 2009
Renae Wrote:None of this ... is anyone's fault ... but mine.
I doubt this. From what i've gathered, you're a pretty lovable person and there are most likely other reasons that this is happening then what you believe. It's not uncommon.
Renae Wrote:I'm so timid and nervous and shy.
Oh, come on, that's cute.
Renae Wrote:I don't wish to be me any more. I want to be who I used to be -years- ago before all my tragedies started happening.
It's not uncommon for people to think that after a personal trauma, and it's not without reason. A personal trauma has a way to change a person whether she likes it or not, but after some time it'll pass and you'll get closer to your old self. With a positive attitude, it'll be even faster.
Renae Wrote:If I'm ever on MSN. I'm usually available for RP, unless I'm online for a few minutes before work or an event. I'm sorry I'm not strong. Only two people will remember me from years back when I was once apart of this server ... and only this two people (one is Kretol ... the other I will not mention) will know who I -once- was before everything started happening ...
If you want to add me on MSN, then please do. I'm used listening to problems whenever my friends feel to share them and, frankly, it'd be nice to have somebody to talk to sometimes. I'll also add you to the select few that I actually ask for RP. because when it comes down to it, you're not a horrible person and I actually find you quite nice and I actually like your personality a lot.
Posts: 2,106
Threads: 186
Joined: Aug 2010
Hmm... Well I'll figure something out (seeming as though MSN does not work at my school >.>) In the meantime, I simply will ask if you wish to RP, it'll have to be sometime after christmas though, seeming as though my pc is in shambles until then.
But before this seems a bit of an, well frankly, ass move, it's not. Sometimes the simplest thing is to start with what you -are- confertable (Yes I spelt it wrong and I can't seem to spell it right) with. I do understand a -little- of this, however, I just act differently than most would.
And I do agree with Roxas65, your defenetly (Again with the spelling....) not a horrible person, you just have a lot going on.
Posts: 4,359
Threads: 207
Joined: Feb 2010
We support you, Renae.
If you ever need someone to speak to, there's a grand multitude of people on CotH who would listen.
Quote:[8:53AM] Cassius: Xigo is the best guy ever. he doesn't afraid of anything.
Posts: 3,789
Threads: 255
Joined: Nov 2009
Yeah. Coth is like group therapy with hugs.
Posts: 116
Threads: 16
Joined: Jul 2010
I wish it felt that way Xigo and Abby =(
Those who I've spoken to ... I've lost as friends ...
I took drugs for about a week ... I lost one of my closest friends because of it ... and he won't ever speak to me ... every ever again ...
I know this .. and it's the fact I can't apologise to him ... or anyone else ... that digusts me.
I log onto CoTH and I re-live these feeling's ... I can't keep doing this ...
I'm sorry all ...
As I've said, My MSN is in my profile information if you wise to speak .. to someone like me ...
"When it rains, do you run from door to door, getting wet all the same, or do you walk with dignity and accept it's raining?"
"On a rainy night, does the sandman send the mud-man?"
.<=='"Characters"''==>.
Karast - The Unlikely Paladin.
Tarlak Nightstride - The Lone Hunter.
Salinia Windrider - Princess.
Alaszun Nightglade - Priestess of the Elune.
.<=="'Threads'"==>.
Renae's cooking thread
"Think about the rain dance for just a moment. Don't you think you'd need rain dance practice? I mean some guys don't know it, some may have forgotten. You know what I wonder? Does it rain during practice? If it doesn't how do you know you got it right? And if it does ... why bother with the dance in the first place. Hey, need a little rain? Call a practice!"
Posts: 2,106
Threads: 186
Joined: Aug 2010
Don't put yourself down, everyone does stupid things, it wake makes humans, well humans.
Posts: 166
Threads: 20
Joined: Apr 2010
I've seen you online as Karast but never approached you because I too don't feel like I fit in very well and worry that others will reject me if I reach out. I usually dont reach out to other folks to ask for RP because it makes me feel like I'm taking something from them -which I don't like. I too have parked my character on GMI for periods of time not saying anything. I try to avoid GMI for the most part since I seem to have an easier time blending in when in character .. its stupid I suppose, but thats just how I am.
I don't know you, but it looks like you have taken a huge step forward by spilling so to speak. Hopefully you stick around so that you can benefit from this step.
If I see you I'll definitely approach you. I'm bored quite often and need more people to RP with. My guess is that you would not bite if I approached you 
As for feeling bad about feeling fearful, I'll quote something my main character once said:
"It seems that courage is more akin to stubbornness than fearlessness. I suspect that its as simple as refusing to react in a fearful manner when exposed to something truly frightening. If this is true, then one who is fearless is not necessarily courageous, and fearfulness thus becomes an asset as opposed to a debilitating handicap."
Hang in there ... most things pass in time...
- Cepht -
Randian - Sin'dorei Priest, Representative of Greystone Charities
Riley Gillespie aka "Stars" - Unhinged forsaken vagabond with a flare for fire
Alonus - Fallen holy priest with a pet serpent named "Ricky"
Haugus Bach - Forsaken Warlock with an appetite for torture and revenge. Previously a humble shoe maker.
Posts: 4,939
Threads: 375
Joined: May 2009
You know what I've already said and where I stand.
I'm not taking back any of it.
//Love,
Loxmardin
Posts: 116
Threads: 16
Joined: Jul 2010
Due to recent events, I have decided to take a leave of absence from CoTH.
I love you all <3
Goodbye (for now?)
Renae <3
"When it rains, do you run from door to door, getting wet all the same, or do you walk with dignity and accept it's raining?"
"On a rainy night, does the sandman send the mud-man?"
.<=='"Characters"''==>.
Karast - The Unlikely Paladin.
Tarlak Nightstride - The Lone Hunter.
Salinia Windrider - Princess.
Alaszun Nightglade - Priestess of the Elune.
.<=="'Threads'"==>.
Renae's cooking thread
"Think about the rain dance for just a moment. Don't you think you'd need rain dance practice? I mean some guys don't know it, some may have forgotten. You know what I wonder? Does it rain during practice? If it doesn't how do you know you got it right? And if it does ... why bother with the dance in the first place. Hey, need a little rain? Call a practice!"
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