Contemplating an Ending

[Geoni]

I feel indecisive, lonely, and most of all disconnected when it comes to RP here (and everywhere else, for that matter). Some of it has to do with my RP preferences, but a lot of it has to do with the community. To state it simply, communication is stuffy between everyone. To the point where I just can't stand it any longer. Another thing, which is something that can't be helped, is the population. It's low. I wish I could do something to bring more players in, but I don't see how. I feel that the best way to do it is to help new players adjust to the server so that there is a higher chance of them staying, but when I myself can't adjust to the server, it becomes difficult. I think that a lot of people stick to RPing with certain people, which I think is a result of that low server population. The problem is that a lot of people I've encountered aren't welcoming to RPing with me, even when there's a reason not to be.

Either I've had too many cold interactions with people here, or I'm too aware of social patterns to not get fed up with them. Or both.

Let me get to the point though. I might leave until the Summer (if I don't feel like coming back, then I won't?). I've seen a decline in my aspirations, motivation, and overall state of living. Plus, I'm dealing with college when I've fallen so low into the pit of depression and fatigue (anti-depressants aren't helping) that I've broken my legs and can't stand back up on my feet. I'm failing, and I need to dedicate the little time and energy I have into surviving.

But, unfortunately, I just can't detach myself from my characters. I don't want to leave them. Because of them, I don't want to leave the server. *sigh*

[Harmonic]

I hate to be the one to put it this way Ghurm...

But it's probably time to let it go here. Being someone that's impartial to what's going on with you, or the connections you've made on the server, I can say from what I've noticed it looks as if you've been trying to keep things afloat while struggling with staying with CoTH.

Despite what some people here may tell you, this place isn't as important as -anything- in your real life. If you feel this is attributing to a decline in quality of life, then it's time to let go. CoTH will be here if you decide to come back, and if not...

Well, then, obviously if you -don't- come back you've found way more important things, and that's great.

Good luck with whatever you do, and whatever you choose. It can be hard... I know.

[ImagenAshyun]

A shame you feel that way, because I've grown to like Troovo. However, I understand your predicament, especially the bit with depression. There seems to be a pattern, however, in that the people I'm seeing leaving are the people who are available to RP during my hours of unavailability. If you ever wish for more RP, I can set aside time to see to it your RPing needs are met. But perhaps that alone would not solve your thirst for RP, which I understand.

If you need to talk about anything, you can use PMs with me or Skype.

[Loxmardin]

Take your characters with you into IM RP, if you find some people you like to roleplay with but can't bring yourself to log on CotH and deal with everything that comes with the package.

Just because you're not here doesn't mean you have to leave your characters behind. I very well know the feeling of growing very attached to your characters and not wanting to abandon when just because you don't want the extra stuff that comes with trying to keep them alive. If you have people you regularly roleplay with or who are otherwise involved with your characters, just find eachother through MSN, Skype, or whichever IM service you prefer... and roleplay plainly through text, just between you and them.

Since IM services are so nifty, they can also make group conversations. More people to join in on it. Granted, you won't be able to interact with the CotH community in the same way, but I think it could do you good to simply not worry about it for a while. It's one problem you shouldn't have to deal with. At the very least, not now when you're at this stage in your life, you know?

[Psychyn]

I don't got a lot of advice to give, or rather; I got nothing new to give. Moving to IM RP is an idea, or other games in general. I've recreated my CotH toons in several games, both for RP and just general gaming.

At any rate, the only thing I can really do is offer you RP. I met Ghurm on my priestess elf if I recall right, nice fellow; Was moving to Felwood? Wouldn't mind RPing with the lad more. I got a derp load of toons here with more (if I don't watch myself) coming on a daily base.

Think about it; That's for when you decide to stick around a bit longer. Wish you best of luck with whatever you end up deciding.

[Edgar]

I can definitely relate, being stuck in the pit of depression myself. Life always comes first. Feel free to PM me on here or skype if you feel like some Bah'tahu and Ghurm RP. I've always enjoyed their RP.

<3

[Rowgen]

Best of wishes, Ghurm. You're a great RPer, from what I've seen of you! If you leave, we'll be in touch, won't we?

If you do stay, though...

Well, you are a Deadeye Watcher.

Your character Gurvok's in the guild, and I don't think I've offered you RP the times I saw you around. I'm shy around people I don't RP much with. I'll admit that. Might be why I haven't RPed with you much, at least on Kag'rin. I admit I'm more comfortable with RPing with certain people, but that's mostly because of that shyness. I feel clumsy with many of my characters, and I prefer to keep it limited, until I do feel comfortable with them, and can give RP that is more than hollow and empty.

I get a bit nervous when meeting new people. I want to give my best in RP, but I really can't. So until I get steady with my characters, I tend to keep them in small groups. Experiments.

This all got awkward for me, but what I mean to say is that if you decide to stay, then don't be afraid of asking for RP. I love making friends.

[Kira13]

This saddens me, greatly. It'll be a pity if you leave, completely, especially since I've seen immense potential in your style of RP, as well as ideas -- especially those regarding the Brokenhorn Tribe!

If you do decide to follow Lolxy's idea, however.. keep in touch and RP on Skype! You've already got my Skype ID and all that.

[Xigo]

No, don't leave. CotH is life. Life is nothing without CotH. Everything you love will vanish when you leave CotH. It is your lifeblood.

One of us.

One of us.

[Geoni]

I think that in taking a longer absence from CotH, perhaps a month or two, might help. Then maybe I will realize what I value about CotH. If there is enough value there (along with energy and free time), then I will return.

And when I mean end, I don't mean permanently. I just mean an end to being active. If I decide to no longer dedicate myself to the server as an active RPer, I'd still hop in once in a while for surprise casual RP. But again, I just need the time to think about RP. This isn't just about CotH, but it also has to do with the many other places where I RP on the net.

But yeah...I definitely don't want to leave Troovo. Perhaps an alternative to ending my activity would be to play on Troovo and only Troovo, since he is the character I enjoy RPing on the most. Concentrating on only one character is something I haven't tried yet, so maybe I should? It wouldn't require me to be active as I have been before a week or two ago.

Sorry if my thoughts seem scattered, and if the initial post seems like an attack.

[Jonoth]

It's been said countless times, but indeed the point or RP is to tell stories and have fun while doing so. The having fun is the most important part, as we all get to a point where there is pressure to find RP, or pressure to maintain a storyline, and art becomes work. And most times when art becomes work, it cannot thrive. I've let go of characters I liked because playing them became more work than fun. In your case, it may be the story and not the character itself, but that's for you to decide.

And I can vouch for the porting of characters, as a couple of my regulars on CotH started in PlaneShift, and if I ever RPed somewhere else I'm sure they and others I made here would come along.

And to echo Rensin and others sentiment, your life comes first, because if that's where any problems stem, then that's also where the solutions lie. And fixing things there will lift some of the burdens.

You're awesome. And while sometimes its hard to see the differences we make, I've appreciated this sage advice from an episode of Futurama:

"When you've done something right, people hardly notice you've done anything at all."

[Vladdy]

If you feel you need to take an absence, n'sure, go ahead, bud. You've been a good friend and I'd be more then willing to talk on skype. My skype name's Vladdyo. You wanna talk about anything just go on and hit me up Ghurm. We went through PS together, and I've gotta say you're a strong guy. But support is key here. Go ahead and seek me out if need be.

[Geoni]

play on Troovo and only Troovo

I'm going to do this instead of outright leave. I'd like to see where things go when I concentrate on only one character.

That said, I'm absent until December 10th.

Thanks for the thoughts, everyone.