Hi, hi, Pharaoh!
Here are some of my observations:
Characters: Perhaps this is just from me only playing one character towards your many, but there doesn't seem to be much "presence" difference between many of your characters. There are subtle differences in, say, how they hold themselves and such but when they speak they all sound very much the same. It's one of those "If I close my eyes, I'm not sure if I'm speaking to Jidaeo or Zariel -- oh wait, one of them called me 'Princess', it must be Dad." (The exception to this that I've experience is Cerice, whom I do actually like, and she has a different presence from the others)
I suppose a primary example was just a "running theme" joke that was carried from not one character but three: The idea that one of the biggest "you shouldn't marry Kapre" reasons was because he would step on her feet. You brought this up with Zariel, Jidaeo and Amura. Especially coming from Amura (as he was the third one of your characters to do this), it felt very inorganic -- from all of these confrontational conversations Xanthe's had about her choice, those characters are the only ones who've brought it up. Had just one character -- like Amura, who
would use such a petty argument as he wanted Xanthe for himself -- done it, it'd have been OK rather than feeling forced.
Writing: I find your forum IC posts very, very repulsive (in the legitimate "It turns me away" definition not the "PHARAOH, THIS SHI' UUUUUGLY, BRO" connotation) due to their unfriendly format. They are dense paragraphs with multiple speakers which makes it very difficult to understand who is speaking to whom. Please try to follow the writing conventions of giving each speaker their own line. If the character they're speaking with does not respond and remains silent, you can put that action in with the Speaker's section and let them continue speaking after the "nonresponsive" action.
For me personally, it can be distracting to the whole RP immersion if I'm constantly making stops while I'm reading to mentally correct someone's grammar and punctuation. Perhaps be a little more mindful of your use of punctuation and all that? Not a necessity, just a thought!
Anyway, best wishes!
If you want, we can talk about it on Skype sometime.
![[Image: 0f084241-4e8f-4ebc-9f46-e942e4c544a8_zps7e42bd8f.jpg]](http://i663.photobucket.com/albums/uu360/Brisalis/0f084241-4e8f-4ebc-9f46-e942e4c544a8_zps7e42bd8f.jpg)
