That Thin Line...

[Vladdy]

Spoiler'd for language, and yes, it's a bit emotional.

Spoiler:

Characters are made with little bits of the players themselves, our experiences, the people we know and love, and yes, the ones we hate or distrust. There's something awfully eerie about the way emotions end up taking over our minds when we try so hard to be logical beings. My father told me when I was eight years old, "Lead with your mind, and not your emotions. You are the master of your emotions. Your emotions don't control you. You're responsible for everything that you do. Not anyone else." I've seen my father cry only one time in my life; and that was at my grandfather's funeral. Most everyone was trying to hold in the tears, but little more than halfway down the aisle of the church, I started crying. Me and my grandfather were close. He was a good, honest man who hated being cooped up in his last years. He wanted to work again, to go outside instead of looking out a window and seeing tractors in the distance, and knowing that he couldn't be out there with them. He had to use an oxygen tank in his last years due to asthma. But you know what? All he wanted to do was work. If he was only 20 years younger; in his 70's, he would have dug a ditch a mile down for fun.

I never got to know my other grandfather too well. All I remember are vague images of him crawling on the ground with me. From what I've heard from all my other relatives, he was an emotional man. He cried more than my grandmother, and he wasn't a manic or depressed. No. He was a gentle giant who gave affection all around. Whenever I hear someone say, "Oh, a real man doesn't cry." Or "Pffft, men don't have emotions!" One thing pops into my mind, and sometimes I say it to their faces: "Bullshit." This man was emotional. So what? Hell, he was more emotional than any woman I know. (Stereotype busting. It's -glorious!-) But even if he was that way, why should someone say that he was less of a man? Or effeminate? This guy was 6'4" and was hairy all over, and excuse me for exaggerating; but he could tip over a barn with a foundation of concrete. These men mentioned above helped to form Markuss. True, I added some faults to make sure he was realistic. But when I added that working man aspect, that never say die spirit? Those emotions that he tried so hard to stifle? I felt touched. Hell, I cried. It was sort of like a rusty faucet handle being turned on for the first time in years.

This is a story of just one character. Imagine, and I do mean this; really imagine how someone's character has been made. Through all the player's struggles, their fears, their likes and dislikes and the people they looked up to? You have a concoction there that leads to some pretty amazing stuff. Even if the character is made just for laughs, or just out of interest for a different character archetype, it leads to something amazing. Because either that character can change over time; or the character can stay the same, fighting adversity, or clinging on to their ideals, hoping that they have some form of morality left. On the other hand? That character that was considered mean and villainous could turn into something sweeter than molasses on cornbread, given enough time. We're emotional creatures, whether we like it or not. While I think we should be as logical as possible most of the time, and that there are times for emotion and times for logic, I think there's nothing wrong with letting it out every now and again. Whether it be in the form of a character, in private, or in public when you kiss your children on the head and say. "Yeah, we're going for pie and ice cream. Yes, you're going to get your favorite flavors."

Why am I typing all of this on a forum? I think it may be therapeutic to let it all out; to speak what's on your mind and be frank. You're not alone, Grakor. While maybe there are times when we should let go of a character, and times when you can use emotion to your advantage. Or a plethora of other different options. Anyways, that's my ten cents on the matter. If it didn't make sense, then I suppose I need to work on how to convey my ideas.

Stealth Edit: Oh, third page. How nice!

[Nightharrow]

Well you are certainly not alone, Grak! The big truth that I have come to is that I am not my characters, but my characters are mine. As a possession, or a toy, I just have to know how to play fair. There is acceptable ooc behavior and unacceptable ooc behavior. How I respond to my feelings about my characters is my choice and my burden. If they make me sad, that is okay! If something happens to them and they get broken I will probably get mad! That's okay too. It's all about how I process and release those feelings. So, I think you are processing and recognizing feelings in a healthy manner. You are doing the right thing by admitting you do not fancy the type of rp Kidnapped has provided your character. Nothing wrong with that.

How I cope with the rp blues is I keep a goofy alt on standby. That alt is my go to character when I need to escape stressful situations in game. Right now that character is Poy'vida. She's goofy, a sweetheart and a butt of a lot of jokes. However, playing her makes me smile and sometimes laugh hysterically. So, I wouldn't trade her for the world. Am I also attached to her? You betcha! To the point that I refuse to let bad things get her down. She's a punching bag made out of cotton candy.

In other news, I also agree with McKnighter 100%. In order to respond to things that happen to your character you have to be inside their head...or let them inside your head. Heh. Not sure about the science behind it, but you get what I mean!

[CappnRob]

@Vladdy

I do that with so many of my own characters, too. Either a part of me is in them, or someone close and dear to me.

Cristovao is my soft side, Hrodebert is my bone-headed one as well as my father's ruggedness. Aryeon is the wisdom of my father, Du'guro and Madugo's estranged relationship is my own with my father when I was a teenager. Nicolaus is my brother's rough and gruff demeanor (without the intelligent writer behind it), Gantrithor is my pride with my brother's machismo. Maeia is my own mother in a lot of ways, Avo is my paternal grandfather's dark past before he reconciled with my family, Mathieu is myself during my young teens, his relationship with Hrodebert is the direct contrast of Madugo and Du'guro: the happy times I had with my own father right down to the goofy nicknames Hrode calls Mathieu.

Hell, most of these characters don't even get RP that much, if at all, but that just shows how much of myself and those who are dear to me go into my characters, even a little bit.