An explination [Update on absence]

[Reigen]

So as some of you might have noticed, I've been 'back' for close to a month now, but have hardly been logging on or even doing my duty as a FH. I already sent in an explanation to Kretol as to why, but I feel like it's my duty to inform the players as to why I've been so slow in my job. This isn't some sort of pity-grab, it's just informing you guys as to why I've just been out there.

As some know, I've been suffering from an anxiety disorder for a long time, something that was only semi-being treated for around a month or so. Things were starting to look up, even if my happiness was artificial due to the medication I was put on. Said things put me on an emotional roller-coaster. [I suppose it doesn't help I didn't really WANT them anyway.]

When I had to sell my car, I no longer had a way for treatments of any sort. Things started to spiral out of control and all my symptoms flared. For those who don't understand what it is, it's where I cannot function normally in every day situations like you can. I would always joke about how I had no life outside of coth when the truth is it's because I am afraid to walk outside of my own door and face other people. I won't get into everything about it, I don't want to seem more pathetic than I already do.

As life took one shot at me after another, it started to entwine with not just the real world, but the online world as well. I have become paranoid about posting due to what other people will think of it. I've taken to PMing people when I see issues rather then post. I'm bad and should feel bad about such a silly fear, but I suppose that's why it's also known as social /phobia/. [It's also why I've been shying away from Vent/TS]

I am trying to seek treatment again, but the lack of funds and the lack of a car is preventing me a bit. I'm going to try my best to keep up with everything, I just need to ease myself back into the swing of things without jumping in head first.

I'm much more receptive to PMs, even if a bit slow due to Skyrim, and whispers in game. Feel free to contact me by these for a faster response if you have any sort of question. One on one I can handle better.

TL;DR: I haven't forgotten about you all, nor am I abandoning anything. I just need a bit of time to deal with things.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New update:

After being hospitalized, I have decided that I am in need of another break. There is just...so much going on that I can't even sleep anymore due to the amount of stress on my shoulders. Saturday and Sunday made all the previous stress I had explode, causing me not only to lash out, but cause myself to get hurt after I had a fit. No one's fault but my own, I have to admit. My anxiety is not calming down at all and is only making me worse to be around at the moment. I have been ordered to avoid all stress-inducing things by my doctors out of concern that it will happen again, and they get worse and worse as time goes on. For my health, I am avoiding logging on in-game, and have blocked a few people who may have been causing stress. No hard feelings, for those I do block, I just can't deal with it right now.

A friend is moving in with me for two reasons. One is because his family is a douche and is kicking him out, two is because I am not 'mentally fit' so to say to be on my own for hours at a time due to paranoia, anxiety and lingering stress. Things will not get any better until after I'm done with court on another issue, which will be for another week or so. Hopefully once that calms down, my friend will be able to help me de-stress enough to function correctly once more.

I apologize greatly for the two I went off on when I did break, over something so silly as well. Please know that I am not ignoring you forever, I just can't...safely speak with you right now until I can calm down. I hope you don't hate me, but I fully understand if you do. I won't comment on it anymore here.

I apologize even more for once more failing the community that I promised to help upon accepting the forum helper title. I want everyone to know that the work of a FH is NOT what is stressing me out at all, nor is it contributing to it. I find it rather relaxing actually and it's something I enjoy doing. That being said, hopefully with the aid of my friend I will at least be able to return to doing forum work.

I <3 you COTH, even if recent drama has made me question you. I hope you all understand that I need this break.

If anyone wishes to keep contact with me, feel free to send me a message over skype or MSN. I still log onto those.

Skype: dminuyasha
MSN: [email protected]

[Saronsen]

dont
edit
my
posts

[ImagenAshyun]

Oh, dear... I hope you'll be all right...

[Aphetoros]

Don't leave me!

[Esthrunil]

While I must admit that the tone of this post concerns me greatly, I will say goodbye at any rate.

Goodbye, Reigen. I don't know you all that well, but I did enjoy the time I had spent with you.

And if my inkling is true as to the tone of the post, I would like to say, "Don't."

[Reigen]

Now now, I'm not going to do anything that drastic.

I need a break, I'm hurting in a place a bandage can't really fix and I currently lack chocolate. I need at least a week to clear my head, to think straight and access the situation. If I find that it's not healed after the week, then I'm going to extend my break until I can log in without hurting.

It's hard to put into proper words what I'm trying to convey, most of all with this headache.

[If Kret would update the minecraft server, I'd build the prettiest castle of all. All out of pink wool.]

[Aphetoros]

Reigen, if something is wrong know that we're here for you.
Because by the above post I really don't want to fear for you.

I know it's not my business to care for you.
Because it's the internet and we're not there for you.

But still there's a time when we're there for you.
And we can cry for you.

And we can sigh for you.
And we can scream for you.


Yeah, it's a cheesy poem but it's written for you.
Just in case the effort will mean something for you.

But 'Don't', like Esth said, because we do care for you.
Even though it's over the internet and I've never met you.

We have met you, and you're a great person, enough to write a poem for you!
But really, if it's time to go for you.

Just don't make it time to go for you.
Don't kill yourself over it, things will look up for you.

Like that Leona always says to you,
There's always a brighter dawn for you.

---

Beat me to it, but point stands. <3 ya Raygun

[Reigen]

Updated first post. Everyone, not just Kretol, deserves an explanation as to my inactivity. Love you all, really, and you deserve more than just a post that says "RL issues".

[Aphetoros]

Be well, Rei rei.

[Reese]

[Reigen]

Delayed absence post. Update is under the old absence post in the first post.

[Killazer]

Aww I hope you are soon getting better Reigen, take care of yourself and relax!

[SachikoMaeda]

We <3 you, Raygun!

[Piroska]

I have only spoken to you once, Reigen, but I may've found my soulmate that evening. (that statement should probably be followed with emphatic nodding!) Hope that we get to see more of you soon!

[Clovis]

Hope everything works out, Reigenub.