Conquest of the Horde

So, I've seen these feedback threads and saw how well they can actualy help people So I've desided to set up my own. I only need feedback on some of my characters for the other s may get deleted during the times when I clear out my accounts :P Here is the list of characters I'd like to get feedback from

Groshner
Ormica
Narsus
Zemili (He's relitively new so he won't get a lot of feed back :P)
Hasrgher

Any feedback would be nice, even if it's not just complements .

In General I think you need to work on your grammar a tad. On Ormica she seems a bit bland, too evil to be evil I think. But you're doing good! I also think on your event posts you should put a bit of backstory behind it, and a whole paragraph about how it's going to be run and rules and other things. Try space out paragraphs more, just my advice!

Sorry if this comes out harsh, I really don't want to be harsh!
Have a good day!
-SunThas

Hi there! I am not the one to say grammar but I can point out a little.

Sunny boy had the right idea, you characters are ratherbland almost simple minded, like our one rp experience, your elf was there but it was almost like a robot standing there, exsoecially with a singing leron in the back. Its good at times to be bland and follow orders but you should at least bring more emotiin into your messages. Other then that enjoy the game and don't over do evil characters :-) see evil can only be evil when they think they are not being evil aye? Well, unless your that crazy man that does not know right from wrong and just does all bad. Those guys usually get locked away or killed. The sain villans most wana see have to have the normal Sid to them because they are still people just with waayyy different ideas then the usual norm right? Right!

Alright I hope that gives something apologizes if it came harsh or anything :-)

I think you're overdoing the 'evil' thing. To the point where you're almost entering saturday-morning-cartoon-villain territory.

I've only come across Groshner twice and I would suggest that you read up on voodoo and what that entails. From our roleplay it seems that you RP voodoo like any spellcasting done by a priest, mage or shaman when it's more complicated and less efficient than unless you are a shadow hunter donning the rush'kah.

Start with the Troll page on WowPedia and spread from there on all links slightly related to the practice of voodoo. And it doesn't hurt reading up on the real deal either, not as basis but for inspiration and to realize the contrast.


And I don't mind your grammar, even though I have to agree with the two posters before me on that. But what I do find annoying is the excessive spam in LFG or even in the OOC area before you are hosting events. It just irks me because a post every fifteen minutes is more than enough catch peoples attention on such a small server. So I suggest that you just recline in your seat and think for a moment before making shout-outs or making posts on the forums and so on.

Stop trying so hard!! It seems you're doing so much to try to get everyone in your guilds, and in your events, and to like and know you, but if you just calm down a bit everything will go a bit smoother. Try to focus on one thing at a time, is all.

A majority of what I wanted to say has already been said, so I guess I'll add onto it. /shrug

I've only RP'd with two of your characters, those two being Narsus and Ormica. I RP'd with Narsus first, so that's where I'll start I guess. From what I know of Narsus, he seems to be a slaver (correct me if I'm wrong). Now, I've only bumped into him once with my character, but from the looks of it he's rather... obvious of his profession. He publicly asked if my character had wanted to buy a slave, and while there's nothing wrong with that if it were in a goblin town, Dalaran wouldn't look too kindly on it I don't think.

Next up is the second character that I've RP'd with, which is Ormica. To me, she seemed more like a saturday morning cartoon villain, which is as the others said before being evil for the sake of it. There's nothing wrong with this of course, but it has a very... forced and somewhat cheesy feel to it. To me, her personality is similiar to a childs, albeit a very evil one. For example, when Vyndus mocked her before attempting to leave. This caused her to blow up into a rage and attempt to kill him, which to me, is... really odd. I'd suggest maybe toning her down a bit, as being evil doesn't require for her reactions to be 'kill, stab, maim, or flee'. Instead, you could maybe add a more subtle part to her plots, such as manipulation, mind-games, etc.

That's all I really have to offer for the moment, being tired and all. Might add a bit more if I can think of any, but this should be enough!

I haven't roleplayed with you, but yes, I have to say I believe you're really trying hard to get in charge of guilds and all...and honestly you're trying a bit hard. ^^ Chill, and take it slow, in time people will get to play with you and all. No need to own guilds to have great RP.

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Oh! You play Narsus?!

I'd have to say, more feedback. When I RP'd with Narsus, on my character Josep... My character tried to grab you and you immediately issued a Character Warning, which is a huge RP killer when you also threaten to get the guards. Just my opinion, also Narsus looks to obvious for a necromancer I think.

-SunThas

Okay, so I've read all of this and don't know where to start responding, so I'll go in order of tips

In General I think you need to work on your grammar a tad. On Ormica she seems a bit bland, too evil to be evil I think. But you're doing good! I also think on your event posts you should put a bit of backstory behind it, and a whole paragraph about how it's going to be run and rules and other things. Try space out paragraphs more, just my advice.

Okay, I agree on my grammer, I'm not really good at it :P I try to add that extra flare that a villian needs, but I have an issue planning and typing fast :P So when all the sudden a bunch of text comes up, usually I can say what exactly I wanted because I have to respond to them all :P I sgree and in my next event update I'll add a background -and- rules on how the event will work

Sunny boy had the right idea, you characters are ratherbland almost simple minded, like our one rp experience, your elf was there but it was almost like a robot standing there, exsoecially with a singing leron in the back. Its good at times to be bland and follow orders but you should at least bring more emotiin into your messages. Other then that enjoy the game and don't over do evil characters :-) see evil can only be evil when they think they are not being evil aye? Well, unless your that crazy man that does not know right from wrong and just does all bad. Those guys usually get locked away or killed. The sain villans most wana see have to have the normal Sid to them because they are still people just with waayyy different ideas then the usual norm right? Right!

So, um I kinda ment to be the classic villian, I don't know why, but I love to make
elabrate plans just to have heros destroy them, so I do play the iconic villian cause that's the way I like it Though yes, I will be adding more layers to my characters and about the Leron thing as I said before, I can't type fast and desided not to respond, even if normally my character would be like "WFT?!?"

I've only come across Groshner twice and I would suggest that you read up on voodoo and what that entails. From our roleplay it seems that you RP voodoo like any spellcasting done by a priest, mage or shaman when it's more complicated and less efficient than unless you are a shadow hunter donning the rush'kah.

I have read all that, but I have a little trouble reminding myself that voodoo isn't exactly normal magic....

Stop trying so hard!! It seems you're doing so much to try to get everyone in your guilds, and in your events, and to like and know you, but if you just calm down a bit everything will go a bit smoother. Try to focus on one thing at a time, is all.

I'm sorry but I am kinda excitable, I'm used to a more quick pasted thing, sorry :P

I've only RP'd with two of your characters, those two being Narsus and Ormica. I RP'd with Narsus first, so that's where I'll start I guess. From what I know of Narsus, he seems to be a slaver (correct me if I'm wrong). Now, I've only bumped into him once with my character, but from the looks of it he's rather... obvious of his profession. He publicly asked if my character had wanted to buy a slave, and while there's nothing wrong with that if it were in a goblin town, Dalaran wouldn't look too kindly on it I don't think.

Um, with the law and such I'm a little confused to be honest, I guess I just haven't played a lot of stuffs that take a more serious aspect, but I'm going to try much harder!

Next up is the second character that I've RP'd with, which is Ormica. To me, she seemed more like a saturday morning cartoon villain, which is as the others said before being evil for the sake of it. There's nothing wrong with this of course, but it has a very... forced and somewhat cheesy feel to it. To me, her personality is similiar to a childs, albeit a very evil one. For example, when Vyndus mocked her before attempting to leave. This caused her to blow up into a rage and attempt to kill him, which to me, is... really odd. I'd suggest maybe toning her down a bit, as being evil doesn't require for her reactions to be 'kill, stab, maim, or flee'. Instead, you could maybe add a more subtle part to her plots, such as manipulation, mind-games, etc.

I totally agree, but I find every time I try to play mind games and stuff, I get foiled hense why I stopped trying. I'll try agian, in light of this text

I haven't roleplayed with you, but yes, I have to say I believe you're really trying hard to get in charge of guilds and all...and honestly you're trying a bit hard. ^^ Chill, and take it slow, in time people will get to play with you and all. No need to own guilds to have great RP.

I really like being a leader of some sort, but your very much right! I'm going to stop that and start just focusing on the RPs I've had :P

I'd have to say, more feedback. When I RP'd with Narsus, on my character Josep... My character tried to grab you and you immediately issued a Character Warning, which is a huge RP killer when you also threaten to get the guards. Just my opinion, also Narsus looks to obvious for a necromancer I think.

Yes, I'm sorry I just use CW any time I plan on getting -any- RP out of the way, plus Narsus is spineless and would do nothing, but run to the guards, -that- was ICly :P

So, I think I've adressed all ya'lls advice and I'll try to fix everything! Please, I -do- like the advice and thank I thank you guys :3

I'll start by saying that I haven't really RP'd with you before, not that I know of at least. Narsus sounds familiar, but that's about it.

However, on the matter of CWs you need to remember that CWs should only be tossed around if you actually intend for your character to ICly try anything. If you're playing a spineless coward it's likely not a smart idea to throw CWs around because then people might misunderstand and use the 'You give what you get' rule for CWs to fight back - with unfortunate force, possibly. Probably just ranting at myself, but bleh.

On the matter of you. As a player, you seem pretty nice. It seems strange that you consistently advertise and seem to try to bring the attention to yourself and your guilds. While it is not exactly against rules or policies, it does get annoying and at times can give you a bad reputation among a possible few of our community. I feel I might wish to agree with the grammar comments, but hey. We get better with practice. That's how it always is.

Since I haven't really seen many of your characters, I can't give much feedback on characters. But I'd suggest making your evil to be less of 'I'm evil, fear me or I kill you or try to scare you' and more of... Sinister. Unique. When you're evil on CotH, ya gotta mix it up and be a little less open and more... Behind-the-scenes. Dunno. Up-front evil people seem to get fought off too quickly, I guess.

But yeah. Good luck and all! My apologies if my statements seem harsh.

Oh, no problem, to -all- who give me feedbck, no need to appologise! I find even harsh feedback constructive (As long as it's not like, Narsus sucks and other things like that :P). Also I like to use CWs -any- time I try to get someone out of RP, that's what I was told to do, anyway :P Example: Narsus calls the guards! That's just what I was told to do :P

And I realize that yes, I do tend to post a lot and bump my posts, some times I feel it's needed. Others I really just have that habit, it's bad to do, I know. Though in all honesty "Old Habits die hard", but I -will- work on it! Thank you for ya'lls feedback!

I'll say a tad. You're a good person. I've said you've got potential before. You still got that potential.

You've improved quite a lot since our first RP. The best advice I can give you is mostly echoing what's been said. Take some time to improve grammar. Best way to do that? Read back what you type out loud. It's the best way. Read over it a few times and think about if it sounds right. The best thing you can do it to cool the jets. You've got all these ideas, but it comes off as if you're forcing them to work. Forcing ideas to work would make them less enjoyable. Trust me on that. I tried forcing Gabril's story, and now I'm stuck trying to fix it.

Remember, evil isn't always about killing, kidnapping, stealing, ect. There are more subtle methods of evil. Think about each character and what makes them evil and how they carry out their deeds. What is their motivation? Their history? How do they think? What would be their next step? Remember, you have to enter their minds to play them in that way.

Also, if you ever want any tips, feel free to get a hold of me in game or on the forums!

First off, isn't my new avatar a sexy beast? Sachiko, thank you, as I've said I've worked harder on the villian thing and now I think that Ormica will be a force to trifal with Sence yes I do force things, I'll try to let go :P The grammer thing I'll try, but in all honesty, I FAIL at grammer and spelling in general :P

Bump, I've worked on all the stuff I could, how am I doing now?